We’re now in our 50s, but unlike the grandmothers of our childhood, many of us moved beyond our early homemaker roles. We’re working full time, running businesses or exploring new personal goals.
Meanwhile, those children we had at such young ages are having their own children. Many of our daughters and daughters-in-law are going back to the careers they had before the children came. That means our grandkids have tight schedules with little time for sitting quietly on grandmom’s lap while she reads them a story.
How do we fit being a grandmother into our busy lives and those of our grandchildren? We can’t use the old model, when every kid had a grandmother living just a few blocks away. One of my most joyful memories is walking to Grammy’s house after school to watch TV and eat her homemade cookies. When I had a problem at school or a conflict with my mom, I could always count on Grammy for good advice and a warm hug that made my troubles suddenly seem small.
How things have changed! Now, I have to schedule visits with my 5 and 2-year-old grandsons, making sure I get there when they’re not napping or off at day care. I’m lucky if we can spend an uninterrupted hour before one of us has to rush off to the next activity.
When I was going to college at night, working my way into a career, getting divorced and remarried, I never thought about what would happen when my kids had kids. I was too busy reinventing myself to consider how this development would affect me or my grandchildren.
Many of my friends also struggle with what seemed like such a natural role when we were young. We’re torn between wanting to be involved with our grandchildren and continuing our hard-won independent lives.
One friend owns a retail business that keeps her busy six days a week. When her grandsons were young, she kept them one night a week while their mother, who was getting divorced, worked. Her daughter has remarried and doesn’t live close by anymore so my friend now feels cut off from the boys she was so close to when they needed her.
At the other extreme, another friend was between jobs when her grandson was born. She’s been taking care of him for the last three years. Even though she’s enjoyed raising him, my friend needs more in her life. Should she drop the boy’s day-to-day care to fulfill her own dreams?
I was immersed in a corporate career when my grandchildren were born, and I didn’t have much time or energy to spend with the new babies. I’m now self-employed and finally have a flexible schedule that lets me pop in to see them often.
It’s a lot tougher for women to add grandmother to their repertoire these days, but no matter how difficult, it’s well worth the effort. When you hear a small voice calling, “Hi, Nana!” as you walk through the door, when you feel those little arms wrapped around your neck, you know you’ll do whatever it takes to become part of these young lives.
That hasn’t changed since our grandmothers and their warm laps and homemade cookies were just a short walk away.
